The Voice of the Feminine
There are days that the voice of my deep inner Goddess, feminine, soma, is just plain flat…..like NO SOUND. She is flattened by the enormity of the changes that need to happen to bring balance to the world. She is exhausted by work and push to create.. She is frustrated by what she see’s and hears and where people are not paying attention or simply giving up. She is distraught at the signs of the earths devastation. She is dead. In a time when women are encouraged to step into their power, she sees and hears a loud buzzing in her ear that won’t turn off, feeling allergic responses in her aging body and finding that inner power feels almost completely lost. The lack ….THE LACK of everything….truth, integrity, hope……Hopelessness is a very slow and low moving emotion and not a great one to be stuck in for too long as depression lay just underneath.
The fire is out……Or is it?
Today I woke feeling this way. A second cold/flu apparently moving through our home, one child crying on way to school, mothering alone and feeling where in me can I possibly hold space for others??? On the drive to school I chant…I pray and ask for help….and I show up. We danced into awareness, into warrior archetype, into embodying strength and blending it equally to the sensitivity of softness ….not striving so “hard” and simply moving but with the softeness needed to fine tune our attention to detail……sustaining awareness and nourishing ourselves in the process. Each person added a little bit about what their unique body and experience was asking for and we agreed to explore this with wonder….together.
We talked for about 5 minutes what does it mean to create the shifts we need to feel stronger inside and out? Someone mentioned the JOY she felt clearing a closet out of old stuff she’d accumulated for 3 years. This reminded me so clearly that Durga ( the GREAT Goddess or Mother Goddess) feels JOY when called in to the challenge. She can’t wait to tackle the hard stuff….to her it’s a time to shine and release into the joy of change. Somehow just being in this group of all women today and showing up to give myself attention, practice attention to detail, notice what I can change and practice letting go of what I can’t…..all this…..became the medicine my soul needed to clear the heavy stuff. My body, though it felt sleepy and tired from extra workload, home challenges and a night of not sleeping well…..my body started to feel like “home” again. A place I can find nurturing and beauty. I felt strength in the spaciousness I gave to myself instead of gripping onto thoughts that were keeping me in hopelessness. I began to feel the power I have as an individual as well as a collective also holding this space so impeccably and with sensitivity.
There was a quiet fierceness in this container that I NOW walked out the door with and brought into my day as a business women, as a mother, as a sister and friend to other women, as a woman going through menopause, as sovereign being whom has learned things about power dynamic both from growing up, experiencing life fully, and from taking a stand for the power of paying attention to detail, taking full responsibility, stepping in to your best, making hard choices and visioning that humans are getting better, are paying attention more, and that as I get stronger so do you….we are all connected and all growing. One dance at a time, I return and steep in this source and am so grateful for community and for movement that re-patterns the brain for higher functioning.