The Dance

The Dance.....

Deeper and deeper into the moment I go, starting with noticing the layers of my distractions, needs, impulses lessen and a quieter still place inside expanding.  I find all the discomforts first, need to use the bathroom, need water, need to find a space in room, need to move a lot or a little, need to be alone, need to connect, need to feel validated, need to feel welcomed.......

Then the judgements of enoughness arise.  Did I wear the right clothes?  Is that person judging me?  Do I fit in?  Am I too much?  Does my dance suck?  I can't dance.  I don't want to dance.  Somethings wrong with me....I don't know enough...

Deeper still I rest in too feeling new things in the moment.  A quivering muscle, the room temperature, a quietness, one natural breath, a color or feeling arises......and then, then....
I feel the music enter me.  I can then balance my bodies sensations with the sounds and the energy in the room gradually finds it's way in without hijacking my attention all the way.  

I begin to open more and explore the space around me, inside me, and far away.  Things "arrive" for me to explore and Im no longer struggling.  In fact, I am so fully "in" a place of concentration, or focus, of absolute surrender and of awe that peaks and valleys.....that I no longer attach to the needs, or the enoughness, or the negative junk I've clung too.  Now, now in this magical moment of potential, I am feeling fully alive even in the sadness, or grief.  I am fully realizing new possibilities and ways to be in my body and experience my power to shift, move, pulse, rest and flow in a way that is my unique dance this moment.  Detached from anyones direction, from the music if I choose, from the group's energy or from my own sometimes self sabotaging self.....I can create with contrasting, noticing ways I can balance with what is, and choices that remind me I am not a victim at all....in fact Im thriving in bliss as I choose again and again to dance with what is.  

In the end, after steeping in this place with others doing the same, I have such deep respect for what we create together. This opportunity to return and clear the junk out, to re-learn to trust my body/choices/and the moment repeatedly, and to experience fitness that goes beyond the physical and allows transformations on the regular feels deeply sacred. The dance becomes a way of being that opens the windows, lets the me breathe more deeply, and holds me safely in a womb of creation as I naturally change with life. Evolving more with love and lightening my body and mind to be more free. This freedom once grounded into my being, feels like a responsibility and gift to continually offer to myself and others…..

Much love, Kelly Atkins

kelly atkinsComment