What does Self Love and Commitment have to do with Relationship?


To answer this question first we need to define what does "loving oneself" look like and why??? Our self and how we self care is our first relationship...our first seeds of love inside that doesn't require anything from another.  When we commit to a practice that re-inforces more love within a natural extension is to offer more generous love to another.   We are "full" and loving another comes with ease.  It's not a static place and needs constant tending.   Like any relationship it isn't perfect, takes time, energy and work and would follow a path something like this: 

Loving the body means we don't abuse the body. We feel gratitude for gifts and for the challenges.  That we show up to nurture and to push ourselves to be healthier and make choices that serve the body.  

Loving the soul means we take time out to nurture through soulful practices and don't look to others to "fill us up". 

Loving the emotions feel like knowing when our feelings are showing us we need something, we listen and find it by ourselves first.  Emotions like sadness, grief, resentment, guilt, anxiety, all require learning to self soothe in a healthy way. 

Loving the mind means understanding how our minds work, taking time to practice mindfulness and shifting thoughts that are "old" and not useful, and practicing learning new things. 

The commitment is in staying AWAKE and AWARE to the different fluctuations of these aspects of self.  When one is not tended too well we develop a "need" that we can easily place on another.  It's natural to want that other to "fill" that need yet it's also very easy to not do the work required to fill it on our own and only lean into the other for constant nourishment.  That may work for awhile when both parties make silent agreements to fill those roles but it's also disastrous to personal growth, self efficacy ( self worth),  and to sustainability over the long haul.  

Here's the question, if you can't make a commitment to your SELF and manage self care to the best of your ability.....how will you ever be able to commit to a relationship?  Creating a container is how we BUILD LOVE.  It's the very best way.  A commitment is an agreement with  yourself, a promise.....it's negotiable to a degree, needs constant checking "in" as the moment is always changing, and gives back to you like a bank account that you continuously add money to over time.  Investing in your self love with a practice you commit too is the key to feeling well, energized, focused, and to living your life well alone or in relationship with another with FREEDOM and purpose as we age.  

Starting with your personal practice ( called a sadhana)that you do NO MATTER WHAT is vital.  It's very easy to wait till the "timing is right" .  Waiting to lose weight, feel the energy or draw, or are inspired to do a practice... is not what a commitment offers.  Doing something you agree on and showing up NO MATTER WHAT is where you'll learn the vital lessons and gain the strengths necessary to living well far into the future.  Missing these lessons can often leave one stuck or even going "backwards" with self care completely.  Showing up no matter what is the key to heal and raise awareness on the aspects of self that may need attention before moving forward in ones life and feeling that beautiful flow state that everyone loves.   Over time and with practice the challenges can actually become something that adds more color and dimension to your life and can be looked at with positive confidence ....and you'll feel the difference in your relationship with others around you. You'll now have the self control needed to make wise empowered choices when in any kind of relationship.  This means choosing what you need from a clear knowing even if the other wants something else and you risk letting them down.

 Negotiating your time and energy from a place of deeper truth nourishes Integrity and congruency between you and the other bringing stability and a foundation.  Stability offers more space for love and opening.  You'll have gained the skills to hold a container, know it takes patience and not going into fear when complexities come up.  Your nervous system will remember and be nurtured from your personal practice.  Kai's "Life as a Dance" concept is the last of 7 key concepts that form the foundation of Kai.  It's this piece of living your "sadhana" that Kai teachers embody before moving on to deeper trainings and is equally valuable for householders who are interested in adding a dance practice to their self love sadhana.  



kelly atkinsComment