50 Shades of Rainbow colors in the discipline of relationship
I like to go into a room and just sit whether it’s yoga or Kai. I tune into my deepest layers to see what I am bringing in and breathe through the tensions and fearful thoughts that have accumulated as well as the gentle sweetness inside the protective shell of my heart. I enter a space that is set for the purpose of finding peace within with sacred feet and with the discipline of awareness. It takes discipline to let go of distraction, to know what I am relating with, to face the deepest truth that love reveals with utter humility and grace and to find the power of choice .
I want to love better. It’s an act of love to myself to notice, feel it , remind myself I’m safe and it’s okay and to let it go all in a moment to breathe. In all the years I’ve taught movement, this practice allows me to notice more deeply a truth happening for myself and gives me the opportunity and choice to clear it. It’s also a moment to take note of the others I am blessed to practice with and how they enter a space.
In yoga, some come in so silently and lay their mats down in a practice of attention to detail and devotion. Others are louder and slap their mats down in a quick loud “crack” sound as if to wake themselves up. Some days the room buzzes with energy of anticipation even in the silence and others there are numerous conversations going on from mundane topics to deep questions that never get answered before the teacher comes in. How I relate to it all takes discipline to note my personal preference and not react, simply notice that small egocentric emotion and then to wait and perhaps offer myself an emotion that could hold it all in a larger perspective that loves better.
In Kai the group gathers either in a meditation circle or simply entering the dance floor with whatever their bodies need. Some walk in and exhale with sound, then walk the perimeter of the space. Others come in and look for eyes to catch and hug another in greeting. There is an excitement as each person enters and raised feeling of anticipation and energy in the room. I often guide people back into sensation and awareness as it’s so easy for distractions and late comers to take away our precious time to engage with it all through our bodies. Often in life we don’t sink into the body fully, we become so entranced in talking, thinking , worried what the other thinks, etc that we forget or ignore just being in the body first…..finding our own self first then relating to the floor, the room itself, other people, the music and the many impulses our bodies signal to us.. The relating then happens more calmly, with more space, from a deeper presence, with more real love and listening, more sensitivity.
Disciplining the heart and how we keep in balance with our environment, our work, our loved ones and our collective takes energy, focus, commitment and constant attention. It’s not easy! Somewhere in the root of the word discipline is “being a disciple”, meaning dedicating your energy to something that you deem important. The heart and how we love one another may be one of the most important places to devote this conscious attention. Everything we do, say, think, and express in our bodies is felt in the spaces between us and is a contribution to the collective. It’s a also a contribution to our health and vitality and those around us…..more than striving to by-pass the gunk and elevate ourselves we may contribute more by sharing in truth as hard as that can be, finding our humility and grace in honoring that from each other and clearing our own emotional waves. Purifying our own hearts to love better. We become closer, more intimate, and connect with love from devotion to the truth. This kind of love has a very different appearance than what we’ve seen in romantic movies.
Not an easy practice and yet over time, with discipline and with devotion, loving this way may change our world into a vision that is supportive, creative, healthy, life-giving, beautiful and ever evolving grace filled experience that it can be.