The choice to be present to what is and expand JOY
What's underneath the urge to wiggle? The drive to move fast all the time? The need for chocolate? Why does one "need" television, or excess computer time? Why the compulsion to indulge in foods that ultimately make you feel sick or heavy after imbibing? What is this "neediness"? The need to control, to complain, to ask silly questions all the time, the realization that the same story keeps rolling out of your mouth? I ask as I've felt all of these things from time to time. Ive discovered it's an avoidance of what is really present and believe that the choice to notice, stalk, stay with.......is the key that most people are after.
The present moment is the place where joy ( our bodys' natural state that allows for all emotions) resides, and yet it's often preceded by an aversion to it. I've come to notice that this aversion, like a two magnats turned away from each other, is the sensation that tells me to go within.....to seek what it is that is happening. What is the emotion, the sensation, the story I am avoiding listening too? What is it's true expression? Once I tap in , and feel myself in a flow of what is happening ( just finding my truth....the deeply held close to the bone truth) I am then able to stay with presence, sense joy, and find ways to expand it into other parts of my body and life .
The question of what if what is present is "bad", or "painful". What if distractions and not paying attention to it are a way of coping ? The answer to that is that we all have a pain threshold and learning to cope is a positive thing.....for awhile. A wise man once told me that we all deal with pain as long as we need too, till it's painful enough that we choose to change. It's really a great signal that something we are doing is not working. Avoiding "what is" by slipping into the distraction/addiction/time monsters, will work in the short term, for a cost. ....the real reason underlying the urge to avoid rarely "goes away" on it's own. Sooner or later, what was causing the desire to not be present manifests into something bigger. The bills pile up from not balancing the statements, the pain becomes unbearable, our relationships fall apart and we are forced to make a change. Wouldn't it be simplier to notice and change before the storm hits?
When life doles out the challenging stuff....The air conditioner breaks, kids get sick, you're late for work and have to give a big presentation...THIS IS WHEN CHOOSING IS MOST IMPORTANT and NEEDED. This is also often the times that I forget. With practice my "off center" times have narrowed down. I am back into a place of pleasure and Joy quickly with minimal damage. Pain is a wonderful reminder, and remembering to CHOOSE is a great mantra. Re-learning my own relationship to both pain and pleasure has also been imperative. Pleasure, not from indulgences created to avoid the present, but from a deep appreciation of the present, is a new high to follow.
Just for today....choose to notice, to stalk, to stay with .........In Kai , the practice of noticing sensation as we move, noticing urges, relationships to space, time, emotions, music and movement are all part of this dance of Joy and Present moment. Joy is who we are underneath it all. It is our birthright, natural state, and the glow that comes from being present to what is.....not dependent on everything "working out". This is the place I seek and share when I dance.