As I sit on the porch of the restaurant and listen to the dripping of the rain and some kirtan music play "govinda Jai jai " in background, I reflect on this day of peak summer and peak moon light meeting as one. All the participants for this years retreat have gone on an excursion to see the Las Paz Waterfall, we've all spent time together at meals and doing yoga and Kai so far and a level of relaxation and Joy is increasing. The first day or so it feels like everyone is just finding their "space" here. It's truly like a heaven on earth. The layers that coat each of us begin to melt off and more openness happens.
I sink in more during this free time, some body work later today and meditation in the truly gorgeous sacred space we practice our yoga and dance in. To me it's like church. We look out at the mountains from up high with clouds and birds and a variety of weather patterns through the day. The buttery wood floor kisses my feet and white curtains blow with the breeze. Underneath all the appreciation, I feel the urge to go deeper. To touch something inside that hasn't yet been explored. To find the "golden pot" at the end of the rainbow or have the epiphany that allows clarity to take everything to a new level. The athlete in me wants to exercise my souls capacity to be present, to feel new levels of soulful connection within and expand more pure love out into the world thru my work of Kai. I know the world needs this.
This day as the summer solstice and full moon in Costa Rica feels like a perfect time to explore and unite the deeper aspects of self. There is so much written these days about "loving the self" and yet so much comes up for people around what that means. Is it narcissistic? Is it selfish? What does that mean? When i feel fully content, relaxed, no tension or need for distraction nor need for "anything" and able to sense the bliss of being alive in this moment.....I consider that a good love moment for me. Admittedly I'm not always there and often am exploring my choices and how they reflect back to me either more on the continuum of health or on mildly moving in the opposite direction. When feeling more in the "love" side I'm not searching for it in another, in a drug or food, looking for affirmation from anyone or for circumstances to be anything but what they are. In this space I am open to life, receiving love in all it's forms, and feel relaxed knowing I am nurtured within. My bhakti yoga friends call this being in the "bahv" or feeling the bliss of oneness with all and with God thru devotion to the moment.
Another friend of mine once said to me...."Kelly, just look at that water drop. It just is. Breathe and notice it's shape, color, shape. Nothing else. Be with it. Nowhere else. This moment and the water drop." This has stood out to me. That we can enter into a state of "nothing else" and in that moment blissful devotion to the moment. This is love. This raindrop. It sparkles and shines and has it's dance of stillness before changing shape and falling off the edge of the leaf in a drip.