Reflections on transformation by Kelly
I wrote this a long time ago, and as i read now realize how much like childbirth this is. the awareness of something new but not knowing, the pains of labor, the emergence of new life, and the elation of the whole thing.....
....so much opened up for me when i let go. I had no idea what the next steps would be, but trusted that i needed to first make the choice to change. For me it was leaving a company i had believed in and poured my heart and soul into for 13 years. Suddenly, that company didn't represent the ideals that it preached in my eyes. I had seen and heard things i couldn't forget nor move forward as if nothing happened. I also had a strong sense of deja-vu...... I remembered that i felt this way long ago and chose to keep my distance and to not see. I knew this was the moment for me to break that cycle and I had to make a choice that would require me to dig deep and expand further into my potential than ever before.
Once the decision was made, my first emotion i felt was relief and my breathe deepened. Then exhiliration, then wonder....then a confusion of what does one do now??? I stayed present to all the emotions that followed and I trusted that the next steps would reveal themselves. I also surrounded myself with some very important key support people that believed in me deeply and my choices. ( I also surrendered to the endings of other relationships that were not supportive ) . I found support people who know how to offer advice from a place of empowerment. I can't stress enough how important this is, or the value of finding key people to help "mid-wife" in change.
The process for me didn't feel great all the time, yet felt natural and there wasn't a moment of looking back. I did feel a deep sense of purpose and wonder. I questioned creativity....people around me asked what i was creating....I didn't know....I just knew i wanted to create something different. Not entirely different, just my shade of color over everything else i had learned and embodied through the years. I also felt that Kai itself would reveal the direction it was meant to go in , if i allowed it........Little did i know at the time the pleasure that came forth in this process....amazing waves of energy! New LIFE!
Positive evidence that the path i was on was supported came billowing forth. From the new community that began to grow, to friends, to opportunties that seemed to fall in my lap suddenly. I knew that everything i had done previously had prepared me to move into this next phase of my life. This preparedness was a big part also of my confidence and relaxation to allow things to come together in unexpected ways. It allowed me to not know the direction I was going in, simply to stay in this place as long as i needed too. This is how I felt before the birth of both my children. Waiting, Staying calm, and ready for the positive evidence and clues of what was to come forth. ..Kai was born!