The Continuing Saga of a Kai Student errant

the after class

“frank,” the mediator softly speaks, “please stand up.”

there are a circle of people on the ground sitting on red and round cushions staring up at me.

i am uncomfortable in the limelight and i speak inaudibly and shyly.  

“my name is frank and i am a kai-o-ist,” staring at nothing or no one in particular.

the mediator then gently evokes a more detailed explanation, “would you like to tell us of your experience in class today?”

i look up at the disco ball and then at the windows covered with blinds fabricated in newark in the seventies and finally the wooden floor.  i can just make out a bossa nova song eking from another room.  “well, you see,” stammering, “my father and mother’s value systems come from a previous era.”  

the classmates are looking at me as if dementia has finally set in to this poor guy.  i sense this and i am startled.

i have just spent an hour dancing strenuously and i am in a zone.  maybe pacific standard zone or possibly therapist zone.  nevertheless i am feeling good and that is because i am relishing the after effects of a hour well spent.  who cares if i lost the map temporarily or i am dreaming of half-sour pickles?  i am good.  i sit down.

the after affects of kai are cumulative.  if you allow yourself to absorb the many facets of this exercise in every day life than you can benefit greatly.  there are always classes and i attempt to spend at least five days out of the week there.  i do this because i endure the rest of my hours better than i would have without it.  if there are any professional athletes out there who are not taking performance enhancing drugs, then i suggest that kai is my prozac.  it is non-invasive and i do not have to take it orally or topically.  it works for me and others.

so let me discuss those non-kai hours spent outside of class.  others may concur.  at about six o’clock at night, while the sun is still out and i am schvitzing as i would in a sauna, i alight from the mac book air and walk a few miles.  every day. i am aware that i do not moan and groan to get up off the chair.  i alight from it.  my body feels good and available and i attribute some of that to kai.  i have worked out the kinks during classes (if i could only learn how to work out the kinks in my hair, i could look like a younger roger daltry or eddie vedder and move like jagger).

ok, let’s pretend you are in the nearby apartment house and you are looking down at the street from your window.  all of a sudden comes this guy, dressed in charcoal cargo shorts and a brown button down top.  naturally the flip flops will match one  of the afore colors.  but this guy is strange, he’s not really walking.  he may take a few forward steps to the left with a rel a vay and then does the same on the right side.  as he is vanishing from sight, it seemed as though he spun completely around on both sides also.  well, officer, it is true.  and it is legal.  i am cirque du kai-ing.  keeping myself limber throughout my day regardless of the chore.  

what else?  i am feeling my toes and my fingers individually and constantly.  i separate them and i move my ankle joints and my wrist joints whether i am eating a cesar salad (dressing on the side please) or taking a shower (i recommend aveda or kiehl products).  i have Kai ‘d my towel so when i finish showering, which i do regularly (per the instructions of my doctor, shlomo neurosis)  the towel becomes an instrument of kai wherein i reach all the way down to my toes to dry them and i grasp it with both hands to dry my back.  as i am doing this i am moving my hips left to right and around and front to back also in my de-mirrored bathroom.  i am simply employing what sensei kelly has taught us.  so not only am i drier than the sinai, the after shower is now a half hour workout with a towel. do not spend too much time visualizing this.  it resembles a poor belly dance show from a dark parallel universe.

i am constantly touching spaces high above and bending my knees to get as low as i can in public without being ticketed.  sometimes i go into a downward dog or a tree pose out of nowhere or during a conversation on hume or hegel.  the listener notices nothing while thinking of a contra thesis but i am not thinking about philosophy.  i am using the tools of kai to maintain quality movement and posture  (and praying that this stretching will increase my height two inches).  another pointer is occasionally turning your head up and down and around, even if you are in an office or a sweet bay.  if someone comments that you look like a ‘chuckie film trailer’ or a ‘linda blair wannabe,’ just ignore them.  you go to kai and they don’t, so how can they know that your actions are beneficial, deliberate and intentional?

experience a class to possibly gain from its’ tenets. 

kai-o-i sts have a unique mojo which dovetails with the zeitgeist of the day.