Being authentic isn't for sissies. It takes practice, courage and constant care. It means diving deep inside, finding what's real and true, and then the courage to "be real" around others rather than doing what others expect you to do or whats "normal" for the crowd. Being REAL means facing the changes and challenges that we all go through in this life. No one comes through unscathed, it's the process of growth. ..It's the bumps and bruises that are the strongest lessons in emotional maturity.
Emotions are packets of information or "energy in motion". Emotions are meant to flow naturally. Emotional IQ is our ability to notice our feelings, name them, be aware of the emotional climate in our body, and also to be able to shift and guide emotions without being victimized by them. This is self awareness. Children at a very young age learn to understand their emotions from how they are raised. There is a range of emotional expression that is acceptable in most families. Healthy or not, we survive and pick up this method of understanding quite miraculously. Getting REAL means taking responsibility for everything and the key to this is through emotions. Here are some of my tips for generating more healthy awareness of emotions and even how to create more of what you want ( and less of what you don't!) :
1. GET REAL FIRST. This is the starting point. Pretending all the time and ignoring a vibe under the surface just doesn't work! Be present, know what feelings feeling like. What does feeling irritated do to your body, recognize how your posture changes when your excited, what is the sensation of grief? How about ecstatic? How often do you say "I feel good" when in reality you feel something else altogether? Get to the truth first. Every time. Do not dissassociate from the real emotion...get closer to what is real first. This is life long work and a skill worth the effort.....
2. BE RESPONSIBLE for your feelings. Now that you know what is real, hold it in a place of love. BIG LOVE. Learning to love oneself at this real raw place is like filling up your own cup. Don't put your emotions on someone else, or project. Don't seek approval. Often times it's at this critical place that people look for something to avoid the truth. Sugar, distraction, the same old story, the drink....anything to not look at what is real and be responsible. Not only does this wreak havoc on relationships it doesn't heal anything and energizes more of what you don't want. It's a downward spiral.
3. DITCH THE STORY OR REPLACE IT AND BELIEVE IT: Forget the stories of "why". Often we take on a story to justify an emotion that we judge as "bad". I am angry because......Even if there is a reason, and the person your explaining it too may or may not agree, the reason does nothing to enhance your ability to shift the emotion and often can create more "stickiness". "Becauses" are very tempting, and can become an addiction. Practice NO BECAUSE. Catch yourself.....and notice, why the need to describe why? A different plan of attack is notice the "story" energizing the emotion and consciously replace it with an opposite more uplifting story ( even if you have doubt...its a process in "upstepping" into a new reality) Remember to talk, walk, and move into the new story- you have to make if feel very real UNTIL IT IS. If this works for you great, but if you find doubt is too heavy then practice by noticing the emotion and JUST BE CURIOUS. Leave it open to the possibility that the emotion doesn't need any thing to "make it happen"...it may just be a fleeting emotion. Maybe it just "is". Do you feel reactive? Shakey? What does the emotion want? ( does it want stillness? Movement? silliness? What does it need?) Sometimes just recognizing with extreme accuracy the exact emotion, and not letting it take charge or have a story allow some needed wiggle room.
3. KNOW YOUR POWER. You can shift emotions through physical, mental or spiritual realms. Physical movement changes the chemicals in our body that are released from emotions- even before we realize a change has happend. It's like sneaking in the back door when you come home late:) Taking on postures of happiness, victory, Joy, can sometimes start the change to emotions into more pleasant states. The mind is another way in , the mantra "This too shall pass" may work to stop a drama from coming on. The mind can also use CHOICE to bring in more light and "think" more positive ways to frame something that may be a less than happy scenario. Your spiritual realm is also a powerful place to enter. Asking for help from your personal beliefs, creating something from an emotion ( art, dance), feeling your "highest self" to guide you out of the "muck" can work amazingly well.
4. CHOOSE. Recognizing a low slow vibrational emotion puts you in the power to do something about it! We are vibratory beings, and emotions emit a frequency. The power of "YES" and being open to receiving your desires lie in aligning yourself to the frequency of having what you want NOW. This tricky part is to develop truth/authenticity first, and then to shift to emotions that align. This process is a natural way of "growing up" emotionally at whatever age you are. The gifts include feeling a broader range, to open your heart, to expand. You'll also develop less "stickiness" of emotions overall.
5.) KNOW WHATS YOURS. Along this path of awareness comes all kinds of relationship challenges ( people will leave, people will come) . Becoming aware of what your emotion is and expanding your comfort of recognizing someone elses emotions is vital to health. Learning to be comfortable with someone elses emotional pain/discomfort- without taking it on or reacting -IS A GIFT!.....For those of you who enjoy holding this space for loved ones, it's important to know when your "on call" and take breaks when you need too! If you you find yourself becoming fatigued ( for example you feel overwhelmed, tired, exhausted) then you need more self care to raise you back up. This is very important if your a parent or care giver of any kind!
6. IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: Desires and Emotions hang out together and effect each other. In case of a heavy emotional state it may take EXTREME LOVE to usher you back to your truth ( you are pure light and love naturally)! CALL it in. Start with gratitude for what you have, for the who you are, for what's happening in the moment. BE PRESENT! Then intend to look at everything from the highest picture of love. Be ready....this last step is a powerful one!!!!